Wak The Hell?

The Mariners fired Don Wakamatsu today, amid allegations that he was unable to make the league's worst collection of hitters all have career years at the same time.  When asked for comment, Jose Lopez replied, "Who?" 

More surprising is the news out of Florida, where Ken Griffey Jr has wired a large deposit into the bank account of team president Chuck Armstrong. 

In another startling move, Griffey appointed Mike Sweeney to the post of "Team Head Manager."  Sweeney will attempt to play for the Phillies and fly west in time for a nightcap with the Mariners.  Sweeney released a brief statement explaining his philosophy:  "I have challenged everyone to a nightly fist-fight until we turn this ship around.  I'm starting with the official scorer, working my way through the press box and then into the clubhouse."  Sweeney expressed disbelief when informed that nobody has taken him up on his offer.  The 68 year old team official scorekeeper was unavailable for comment.