Degenerative Hips, Ambulance Chasers, and Bad Negotiating.

Bavasi: "Andy, it's Bill."

McPhail: "Hey, how are you?"

B: "Fine, fine... Pelekoudas just brought me a nice ham sandy and a venti latte."

M: "you still got Squiggy doing scouting for you guys?"

B: "hmm...I'd have to ask Looper, I don't know. So hey - you want to do this Bedard deal or what?"

M: "Jones and who was it again?"

B: "Sherill, Tillman, your choice of a couple PTBNL's..."

M: "You sure you want to do that? Bedard is good, but..."

B: audibly eating sandwich..."job's on the line, Andy - I can't wait for next year. I mean, come on - didn't you see I gave Silva almost $50 million?

M: "Hahahahahahaha..."

B: "Hahahahahahaha..."

M: "Hahahahahah...oh, man...Bill...you're killing me... that's rich... okay, yeah, sure - let's do this thing. Get Jones on a plane to Baltimore for a physical"

B: "will do"

M: "I just need to talk to Peter to get the go-ahead"

B: "fuck"

M: "oh, don't worry - he brought me here so I could make deals like this on my own"

B: "fuck"

M: "just hold the line, Billy..."

M: dialing Angelos...

Angelos: "Andy, this better be good, I'm having my Monday rub-n-tug"

M: "Seattle wants to give us Jones, Sherill, Tillman and a couple others for Bedard."

A: "Honey, honey...stop that for a minute... Andy, say that again?"

M: "You heard me."

A: "Do they want Roberts too?"

M: "Just Bedard"

A: "Huh. So they're not that bright. Make something up to throw a wrench in the deal and get other teams involved to drive the price up."

M: "Like what?"

A: "I don't know, something that will scare Baltimore fans. Think of Joey Belle... say he's got a bum hip - leak it to the press"

M: "doesn't that seem unethical?"

A: "Bwahahahahahahah...bwahahahahahah... you're funny Andy, that's why I hired you. Gotta go. Okay, toots, I ain't got all day, get back to work..."

M: "uh, Billy - you still there?"

B: "Yeah, just called Adam to tell him to get on a plane, that he's being traded for Bedard. Kid is disappointed - Venezuelan finals and all - but understands."

M: "Yeah, uh - Peter has some personal matters to tend to today, so we'll have to get back to you, maybe tomorrow or the next day."

B: "fuck"

M: "nothing to worry about, I'm sure it's just his osteoarthritis or something"

B: "osteo-what?"

M: "nothing. Forget it... we'll talk tomorrow"

click.

click.

B: "Sally, get Adam on the phone and make sure he doesn't say anything to the press about this. And call the Twins for me. Then get Willie in here to wax my head."